


Another Him

by distanceseventeen



Series: Disintegration [2]
Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: (on Gaster's part), Area Teen Questions Void's Morality, Backstory, Dubious Morality, Gen, Local Void Offers Choice, Neurodivergent Kris, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-12-24 18:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21103679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distanceseventeen/pseuds/distanceseventeen
Summary: The doctor offers Kris a way out.





	Another Him

"THE VESSEL. IT WILL BE UNLIKE YOU. IT WILL NOT HAVE A PAST. IT WILL NOT HAVE A FUTURE. IT WILL BE. THE PLAYER'S, ENTIRELY."

Kris stared at the figure floating in a pool of darkness. It was vaguely humanoid, formed out of shades of grey. As of yet, it had few distinct features. Blank.

"This vessel," they said slowly. "Will it feel?"

Dr. Gaster hummed quietly. It was something they could feel more than hear, like electricity humming through imperfect wires. His voice came hesitantly out of the void. "MMM. IT WILL. FEEL AS IT IS MADE TO FEEL."

They were silent, tapping fingers against their collarbone.

"YOU… DO NOT LIKE THIS SOLUTION, KRIS? AS I SAID. IT WILL NOT BE LIKE YOU. ITS EMOTIONS WILL LIKELY BE. INCOMPREHENSIBLE."

"That's… people think I'm incomprehensible too, doc. I am incomprehensible sometimes."

"YES. IT IS. DIFFERENT."

"Is it?"

"YOU HAVE A SOUL. TO CALL YOUR OWN."

Kris frowned.

"YOUR EMOTIONS," he explained, "HAVE ALWAYS BEEN YOUR OWN. THE VESSEL. WILL FEEL WHAT THE PLAYER REQUIRES OF IT. IT IS DIFFERENT."

They considered the vessel in front of them. They felt sick. "And… what if the Player hurts people through it?"

"THEN YOU WILL. STOP IT AGAIN."

"I don't know how."

"MMM. LIES." His inflection was difficult to parse, but Kris thought he was probably rebuking them. "YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN HOW."

"Stop your… cryptic Will Shatner bullshit. I don't know what you mean."

"I AM. SHATTERED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. THAT I HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CRYPTIC." He paused. "WHAT IS WILL SHATNER?"

They sighed. "Never mind."

Kris floated in the void for a while. Perverse as it was, the place did feel sort of like home. They'd spent so much time in the liquid darkness during their possession. It was familiar enough that they were comfortable in it, despite the weird being that talked to them every time they showed up. 

They'd asked him once to stop dragging them here in their dreams. He'd told them they'd show up regardless of his influence. Something about susceptibility to the supernatural. Annoyed, Kris had been forced to accept the fact that there would always be weird things happening in their life.

He'd told them the Player would come back. He'd explained his situation: that he'd been shattered, and now existed outside time and space. Told them he'd seen their fate. Had offered them a way out. A blank vessel for the Player hadn't been what they'd pictured.

"Why are you offering this to me?"

"BECAUSE OF YOUR DESTINY. I DO NOT THINK IT IS ONE. YOU WILL ENJOY. I HAVE THE POWER TO GIVE IT AWAY. TO ANOTHER CREATURE. ONCE, I WAS GIVEN. A POOR HAND OF CARDS. I WANT YOU. TO HAVE A FAIRLY SHUFFLED DECK. BECAUSE I DID NOT RECEIVE ONE."

"A hundred other possessed kids exist, probably. With really horrible destinies. Why not them?"

"THEY ARE NOT YOU."

Kris waited for him to elaborate. He didn't. They frowned again. "Is being cryptic a _ need _ for you?"

"THE VESSEL. WILL NOT. FEEL PAIN AS YOU DO. YOU NEED NOT SUFFER. WHEN ITS SUFFERING WILL BE LESS."

"You didn't answer me."

"YOUR DESTINY. WILL BECOME YOUR OWN. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO. BE A HARBINGER OF ANY WORLD'S END. NOR A SAVIOR. YOU WILL BE. YOURSELF. AS YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED."

"A harbinger? A savior? What do you mean?"

"THE CURIOSITY OF A SCIENTIST. IS OFTEN GOOD. IN THIS CASE. YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW."

"Fun. I love having my choices taken away without consulting me."

"YOU ARE. IRRITATED WITH ME."

They struggled for words. The drumbeats on their collarbone grew faster. "I don't even know you that well. I don't trust you. You keep saying things I don't understand. How am I supposed to know this vessel will even work?"

"IT WILL. I HAVE SEEN IT. I BUILT IT WITH MY OWN HAND. IT WILL WORK."

"You keep saying that."

"IT WILL. IT MUST."

"And if it doesn't?"

"IT IS. IMPOSSIBLE THAT THE VESSEL WILL FAIL. IT WILL. PERFORM ITS TASK."

"But you said it had feelings. It could break the code like I did."

"IT DOES NOT. HAVE DETERMINATION. IT ONLY HAS ENOUGH. TO KEEP IT ALIVE."

"So it can't break free. It's still sentient, though?"

"I. SUPPOSE IT IS. OR WILL BE, WHEN IT IS CUSTOMIZED."

They thought of their own "customization." The red hair. The wrong pronouns. Unnatural stillness, uncomfortable clothes. Their stomach ached. Again, their fingers drummed their collarbone.

"YOU FEEL. SYMPATHY. FOR THIS VESSEL."

"Being possessed is horrible. I don't like the idea of making something else go through it. And it's awful to make a sentient creature only for it to be used like a tool. _ You're _ awful for doing it."

He seemed offended. "IT WILL EITHER BE YOU. ENACTING YOUR DESTINY. OR THE VESSEL. YOU HAVE. MORE TO LOSE THAN IT DOES. AS I SAID. IT HAS NO PAST. NO FUTURE. NO ATTACHMENTS. WITHOUT A PLAYER, IT WILL. NOT EVEN HAVE A PURPOSE. IF THE PLAYER DOES NOT WAKE IT. IT WILL BE. IN STASIS FOREVER."

"Stasis?"

"MM. LIMBO. DREAMING WITHOUT DREAMING. NONEXISTENCE. I WILL NOT DESTROY. MY OWN CREATION. BUT IT WILL NOT. EVER BE FULLY REALIZED."

Kris stared at it again. The vessel hadn't moved at all. It wasn't even breathing. 

What would be like, living without the fear that they would be possessed again? They could have nice clothes again. Sketchbooks. Photos. Friends. They wouldn't have to look over their shoulder all the time, worried their choices would make the Player hurt them later onwards. They could heal. Not the rough patch job they'd managed over the last few months. Real healing.

On the other hand, how could they live with themself, knowing they'd turned another living creature over to be a plaything?

Kris couldn't help but feel sick when they thought of the idea. It was wrong, to give their burdens to someone else. Someone who didn't even have any good memories of a time before. The vessel would probably be in pain and scared. Or worse, it wouldn't know enough to be scared. The Player would be all it knew. And when the Player was done, Kris knew it would be discarded like a broken toy. Forgotten.

They wouldn't be able to look Asriel in the eye if they let something like that happen.

"YOU ARE. THINKING YOU CAN CIRCUMVENT YOUR FATE. BY YOURSELF. THIS TIME IS. DIFFERENT THAN THE LAST. THE ONLY WAY TO AVERT IT. IS TO ATTACH YOUR PUPPET STRINGS. TO THE VESSEL."

"I've ripped the strings out before."

"THIS IS. DIFFERENT." He sounded nearly as irritated as they felt. "YOU DO NOT YET. COMPREHEND."

"Then make me comprehend. You won't tell me anything."

"I REFUSE. I DO NOT WANT YOU TO FALL INTO DESPAIR. THE LAST TIME YOU WERE POSSESSED. YOU LOST YOURSELF. YOU MUST. REMAIN UNBROKEN FROM NOW ON."

"It can't be that bad. I've had bad things happen to me. Unless this ends with me murdering my entire family, I really don't get how it could be worse than what I've already weathered. You saw what that thing made me do to Asriel last time."

"YOU WILL UNDERSTAND MY WORDS. ONE WAY. OR ANOTHER. YOU WILL SOMEDAY UNDERSTAND WHY. I WANTED TO OFFER YOU MY HAND. NO MATTER WHICH CHOICE YOU MAKE. YOU WILL BETRAY YOURSELF. THE BETRAYAL YOU MAKE NOW. WHEN YOU USE THE VESSEL. IT WILL BE LESS THAN THE ONE. YOU WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE."

"How do you know I betray myself? You don't know me. You only started watching me after I fell through the void and tore my soul out."

"I KNOW THAT YOU ARE. BRAVE. AND COMPASSIONATE. AND THAT YOU. FEEL THINGS DEEPLY. THE WAY MANY NEVER DO. YOU BELIEVE IN HONOR. YOU ARE LOYAL. YOU ARE CURIOUS. YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY. ABOVE ALL ELSE, YOU ARE STEADFAST. THESE ARE YOUR GOOD QUALITIES. I ALSO KNOW THE BAD. HOWEVER. YOU GET SELF-HATING. IF THE BAD THINGS ARE EVER MENTIONED. THIS IS ALSO. A BAD QUALITY."

He paused. "AND TO CONTRADICT YOUR SECOND POINT. I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR. FAR LONGER THAN YOU ASSUME."

"Gee, thanks. I always wanted to hear a void man rattle off my horoscope. Also: _creepy_."

"YOU ALSO HAVE TAKEN TO SARCASM. AND SILENCE. AND PRANKS. ALL TO DISTRACT FROM YOUR PAIN. IT IS A POOR STRATEGY. YOU ARE CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED. THOSE AROUND YOU. SIMPLY DO NOT CARE TO LOOK."

That one hit hard. They tucked their knees into their chest. It was hard to keep their voice from shaking. "Your point?"

"MY POINT IS. I KNOW YOU, KRIS. WELL ENOUGH TO SAY. YOUR FUTURE IS GRIM. AS IT IS CURRENTLY WRITTEN. YOU WILL BE INCREDIBLY UNHAPPY. I BUILT THE VESSEL. USE IT."

They fell silent again.

"And… and I can't change it. Not on my own."

"NO."

Silence. They floated on for a long time.

"I can't use the vessel. I just can't do that to another living being. It's too messed up. I'll bear my fate myself."

"THEN YOU WILL BEAR IT ALONE."

"No. There has to be a third option. It's never just a binary. You've gotta find another way to help me. One that doesn't involve another person being possessed. If you care about me as much as you say, you'll think about it."

He was silent, long enough that Kris started to wonder if he had fallen asleep. Then the humming started again.

"MMM. YOU ASK. MUCH OF ME."

"You're at least twice as smart as I am. I think you can do it."

"I AM. SHATTERED. HOW MANY TIMES MUST I. EXPLAIN THIS CONCEPT TO YOU. I AM NOT. ALL THAT I ONCE WAS."

"You still built a sentient being on your own. That suggests that you can figure things out."

"YOU WANT ME. TO ARRANGE THE WORLD. SO YOU ARE YOURSELF, BUT ALSO CONTROLLED. SO THE EXPECTED OUTCOME OF THE WORLD. WILL CHANGE. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME. IT IS. MONUMENTAL."

"We can figure it out together. Please, doc. I'm just… I'm so tired of getting people hurt. It's all I ever do. I don't want it to happen even more." They swallowed. "Even if the vessel works according to plan… you made it sound like my family will be hurt. Like the world will be in danger. I can't have that happen."

He was silent. That, in itself, told them all they needed to know.

"I'm right, aren't I? My family will be in danger? In that case, I have to change it."

"SUCH DETERMINATION." He sounded almost wistful. "YOU KNOW. AS I SAID BEFORE. THOSE AROUND YOU DO NOT CARE. TO SEE YOU TRULY. YOUR TRAUMA IS INVISIBLE TO THEM."

They didn't know how to reply. Their chest hurt.

"AND YET. YOU CONTINUE TO PROTECT THEM."

"It's who I am. I'll always want the best for my family."

"YES. EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU."

"Asriel knows me," they said softly. "It's not Mom and Dad's fault I've spent these last few years trying to disappear. It's hard to be myself around them. And I don't want to burden them with knowing what's happened to me. But they do love me."

"DO YOU KNOW WHY. I DECIDED TO OBSERVE YOU, KRIS?"

They blinked at the sudden change of subject. "No. You haven't told me. Actually, you've evaded it every time I asked."

"IT IS BECAUSE. YOU ARE ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE. WHO HAS A CHANCE OF UNDERSTANDING ME. YOUR FATE DREW ME INITIALLY. YOUR PREDICAMENT. YOUR PERSONALITY. THOSE MADE ME CONTINUE TO WATCH. I HOPED. YOUR LONELINESS WOULD MAKE YOU EMPATHIZE. WITH MY SITUATION. YOU ARE NEARLY. AS ALONE AND FORGOTTEN AS I. AND STILL YOU CHOOSE TO BE UNSELFISH."

The vessel disappeared into the blackness. "I WILL ASSIST YOU."

Their heart lifted. "You will?"

"YES. WITHOUT MAKING THE VESSEL REPLACE YOU. IT WILL BE INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT. AND POSSIBLY DANGEROUS FOR US BOTH. WE WILL MAKE MISTAKES. MANY OF THEM. BUT PERHAPS WE WILL. AVERT THE WORST OF YOUR FUTURE."

"Thank you. I mean it. I won't let you down."

"YOU WILL. BUT THAT IS ALL RIGHT. YOU ARE ONLY A CHILD. YOUR JUDGEMENT IS POOR. I DO NOT BLAME YOU FOR IT." His hum was nearly a laugh. "MY OWN JUDGEMENT. IS COMPROMISED ALSO. WE WILL BE A PAIR OF FOOLS. TOGETHER."

"So how will we do this? Changing the world? What will I have to do?"

"UNCLEAR. BUT I WILL. EXPLAIN MY IDEAS TO YOU. PERHAPS YOU CAN REFINE THEM."

Gaster hummed again. It was an introspective sound. Kris closed their eyes. Strange as he was, it was sort of nice. It didn't matter that they didn't fully trust him. For now, it was enough that he seemed to care. They let the darkness cradle them.

"KRIS. WHATEVER HAPPENS. EVEN IF WE FAIL. DO NOT FORGET. I WILL BE WITH YOU IN THE DARK."

They shot fingerguns into the void, affecting a glibness they didn't quite feel. "Thanks, doc."

"DO NOT THANK ME YET. NOW. ONTO OUR PLAN."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you'd like to submit a story prompt, ask a question, or just discuss my fic, my [ Tumblr](https://a-town-called-hometown.tumblr.com/) is here.


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